Amy's story
Amy Feiman Behar died peacefully in her sleep at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick, New Jersey on Thursday, March 29, 2007. She was 49 years old and she left behind two daughters, ages 20 and 22, and her husband of 24 years. She was brilliant and beautiful.
Amy was diagnosed with stage-two breast cancer in October 2000. Although the tumor was small, the disease soon spread into her lymph nodes and bloodstream. Amy was very determined to fight cancer and was willing to do whatever it took to live long enough to be a grandmother. After several surgeries and many attempts to clean the breast area and the margin surrounding the tumor, she began the default road of chemotherapy. She chose to participate in a clinical trial, thinking that it might help save other women.
After completing the chemotherapy phase of her treatment, Amy started radiation - a daily treatment that would eliminate any remaining cancer cells. She really believed that at the end of this long year of treatment she would be cancer-free and able to resume her productive life.
For four years, we all trusted that Amy was in remission and that her cancer would never come back. But on November 2005, she was rediagnosed with cancer in the same breast.
Amy’s choices became limited, but she was determined to continue fighting. She decided to undergo a single mastectomy. A mastectomy is not an easy surgery, requiring numerous operations by a breast-cancer surgeon and a plastic surgeon, followed by a long recovery. Amy recovered from her mastectomy only to find out, several months later, that the cancer already spread to her bones and was slowly making its way into her other organs.
This was obviously devastating news. But her strong desire to live gave Amy the strength to start chemotherapy all over again. In the spring of 2006, Amy began a second round of chemotherapy. She knew that she was carrying a ticking bomb in her body. She felt she was on death row, even though she never committed a crime.
Amy died a year later, just seven weeks before her 25th wedding anniversary, nine weeks before her oldest daughter graduated from Vassar College, and 20 weeks before her 50th birthday. She will never walk down the aisle with her daughters on their wedding days and she will never hold her grandchildren in her arms.
She can, however, inspire those of us who are left without her to be responsible and to do whatever we can to prevent other women and their loved ones from the same fate.
Amy Touched So Many People
Amy worked as an office manger at Princeton Consultants, an IT consulting firm in Princeton, New Jersey. "Office manager" is an inadequate description of her position as she effectively organized the company and supported the entire staff. Her official duty was to manage the office. Her unofficial role was to "mother her co-workers and often the clients. She was enormously dedicated to her work, and was highly trusted and respected by everyone in the company. Amy also was an alumna of Brown University.
Her husband, Arie, says what he misses most about Amy was "her big beautiful eyes and her sensational smile. No matter how hard my day had been, it was always wonderful to come home and be with her at the end of the day - and to share that pure hug when I went to work in the morning. She was always there for me with her unique ability to guide me through my life."
Her daughters will miss her encouragement and love. Amy built a warm and supportive home for her children. She challenged them to be independent but was always ready with a safety net when they inevitably needed help. Above all, she taught her children to play well with others, value strength of character and loyalty when selecting friends, appreciate education, and love being outdoors. Amy always told her children that "it was a good day if your feet were dirty or you just finished a book."
Every family has a heart and Amy embraced that role with enthusiasm and grace. Her brother and sister remember Amy as a central part of their lives - playing and traveling together as children, expressing and pursuing interests in high school and college, celebrating weddings and then the birth of their own children - always nurturing a bond that even her death cannot extinguish. She created a home that emphasized the importance of family and friends, and she made sure that everyone felt welcome there.
Her friends, and there were many close ones, miss her compassion and ability to listen, understand and advise without being judgmental. She was always there for everyone and reveled in others' successes without an ounce of jealousy. She devoured newspapers and always had intelligent and astute observations about world, national and local news.
Her co-workers will miss her generous spirit and gentle guidance. She has left a large void in so many lives as she never forgot an anniversary, birthday, purchase of a new home or the birth of a child. People mattered to her and she made sure they knew it.
Her community will miss her readiness to volunteer and even do the "dirty work" for many causes without complaining. She thought that giving back to all was a privilege and an obligation for which you don't need praise.
Amy's husband Arie recalls the famous verse in a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson, the 19th century poet:
I hold it true, whate'er befall
I feel it, when I sorrow most
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Then never to have loved at all.
Amy touched the lives of all who knew her. She battled her disease courageously and with remarkable determination. The Amy Feiman Behar Foundation strives to honor Amy's memory by finding hope in tragedy, and by giving women the means to change the course of their health and, consequently, their lives.
